To Be Loved
by Ed Westwicker
Summary: Songfic for To Be Loved by Papa Roach. Story better than summary....
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: DOn't own lost, fbut I so wish I did.

This might end up being happy later on, but at the moment, not really.

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Boone turned the song up to the loudest and grabbed the scissors for the second time that hour. He created a red line on his arm, red was all he could see. He didn't care anymore, he didn't care how much blood poured out of him. He wanted to scream! He wanted to shout! His sister came into the room and pulled the scissors out of his hands. He cursed. "Shan! This is real! This is as real as it's ever gonna get! Let me have it back!" he yelled.

"Boone! What the hell are you doing?!" she yelled.

"Shan, all I want is some respect." he cried.

"So you're taking it back to the hardcore level?!" she asked.

"YES! NOW GET OUT!" Boone yelled. He grabbed the scissors and pushed her out of his room. He cut himself again, this time the blood landed on his white carpet, turning it red. Soon it would be completely red. "You better be ready world. You better be ready to put your pedal to the metal! 'Cause here I am! I'm taking it back to the hardcore level!"

He was tired of this. When he started, he promised himself that he was never gonna give in. Never gonna give up. He just wanted to be loved, he wanted to know that people cared. He wanted domination. Needed people's submission. They weren't resisting, just not listening. He never resisted the temptation of pain, just succomed to it. He hated the deprivation of love. He had a jet black heart. "Everythings jacked up and everything's falling apart and what can I do to stop it?!"

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Claire was sitting on her bed, she had the candle above her arm. Dripping the hot wax, burning her arm with the flame. "I promised I wouldn't give in. I promised I wouldn't give up! So here I am! I have this one confession, I love deprivation and I have a black heart! I just wanna be loved!" She let the tears fall. Her mother was nowhere to be found and her father was God knows where! Her aunt didn't pay any attention to what she needed or what she wanted! This was the only way she could be noticed!

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On seperate sides of the world, two teenagers cried the same thing to the people of the world! "I have a confession! I fell into the temptation! There isn't any questions about the connection! I have to follow my heart, no matter how far it takes me! I have to look back at what was and never think twice about what's happening!" They said that they'd never give up! That they'd never give in. They just wanted to be loved.

Take their pasts into your hands and burn them up, that's the only way to let go! Tell them to carry on, you're stronger than they'll ever know if you don't. That's the only way they'll get any respect! You'll get yours no matter what!

Never give in, never give up. You just wanna be loved!

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Please R&R! 


	2. You Could Be Happy

Disclaimer: Don't own lost, but I so wish I did.

This might end up being happy later on, but at the moment, not really.

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Jack was waiting for Kate to pick up her phone. He had planned out what he was going to say. "You could be happy, but I really can't say that I will know. All I know is that you weren't happy the day you left. I'm sorry about the things I said to you. They keep playing in my head and I swear I'm about to go mad! I guess it's too late to remind you that we used to be happy! Try to remember those times and not just those lasts days of the screams, and the silence. Most of what I remember remind me that I could have and should have stopped you from leaving! I guess what I'm trying to say is that you could be happy and I definitely hope you are. You've made me happier than I could ever dream of! Somehow everything I own smells like you and for the tiniest moment I think that you're still here. Now you can do the things that you always wanted to and I won't be there to hold you back. Remember, don't think, just do. But more than anything in this world, I wanna see you, Kate. I wanna see you take a huge bite out of the world!" A tear made its way down Jacks cheek as he closed his phone.

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Kate opened her eyes and shut them again as the white light of her room blinded her. She tried to remember what happened last night, she couldn't remember what happened to her. She knew she was lying in her bed, but why?! Why wasn't she with Jack? She remembered the pain of the alcohol burning down her throat. She couldn't make it go away. "How could this happen to me?! I know I made mistakes but there's no where to run! The night continues and I just keep fading away. I'm sick of it! I wanna scream! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!" she screamed at no one in particular.

No one could hear her. She sat on her bed and slipped. She was hanging by a thread, she wanted to start over again. "I'm trying to hold on! There was a time when nothing even mattered! I can't explain what the hell happened! I can't erase the things that I've done, no I can't do anything!" Kate was struggling to hold back her tears. She saw her phone and heard it ding. She picked it up and listened to the voicemail that Jack left. That was the last straw, the tears spilled over.

"I'M SICK OF THIS LIFE! I JUST WANNA SCREAM! HOW THE HELL COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!" Kate yelled.

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Please R&R. It will get happier as it goes on. I promise! 


	3. Hold Me Tight

Disclaimer: Don't own lost, but I so wish I did.

This might end up being happy later on, but at the moment, not really.

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Ana-Lucia saw Sawyer crossing the room to her. He put a piece of paper in her hand, not even bothering to talk, he left. The door that he left out of banged shut, the little part of her that hoped for it all, went blank.

She read the words and they burned her eyes. Long after she read the paper, the words he wrote spun in her head. The words said, "Hold me tight, 'cause I'm losing all the energy to fight. Yeah, hold me tight, 'cause I'm losing all the energy to fight."

She sat down on her floor. "I should be running outside. I should be running after you! I should need to cry, but I don't. I stay here. There's just a little piece of me that likes the pain."

So, she threw it away, right next to all the others that said basically the same thing. She picked up her phone and called Sawyer. "Hello?"

"Hold me tight, Sawyer. I'm losing the energy to fight. Hold me tight, I've been throwing pointless flares at you. Hold me tight, 'cause I'm losing the energy to fight. I need you. You're all that's keeping me sane!" Ana-Lucia whispered as she let tears fall.

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Sawyer realized what he had done. Giving that piece of paper to Ana-Lucia. He should've stayed and said right to her. "You breath infinity into my world, and time is lost when I'm with you. We're up in a cloud and in whirl. We dug a hole in the cool grey earth and lay there for the night. I need you to say 'Wait for me and we'll fly the wind, we'll grow old and you'll be stronger without her.'

But now his world was lost at her feet. He's lost and she's found, he was alive and now he's drowning. "All I'm doing is waiting for the world to hear my song so everyone can tell me that everything I did for her, I've always been wrong."

He looked up at the sky and sang, "The world wasn't there beneath your stare, they weren't stripped 'till they were bare of any bindings from the world outside that room. They weren't taken by the hand and led through fields of naked land, where any of my pre-conceived ideas were blown away. All this so I couldn't 'no'."

Whenever she sighed, he was lost, weeks could've passed for all the time he was lost in her. She was the blanket of the over-world and he couldn't-wouldn't say- that little word that could've changed it all "no." Everyone said to him, "you're to young to even know. Just don't let your love grow and you'll be stronger without her."

His phone started to ring and he picked it up. The whispers that he heard made his heart skip beats. He condoled her by coming over to her house and holding her. Holding her to his hearts content. Not saying anything. Just holding her, breathing her in. This was what love should be.

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Please R&R. 


	4. Loves Me Not

Disclaimer: Don't own lost, but I so wish I did.

Um, I realized that I had a mistake in the beginning and now I'm gonna fix it.

In the first chapter I did Boone and Claire...they are NOT together. In this chapter it's gonna be Charlie and Juliet, they are NOT together either!

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Charlie saw her eyes. He wanted her to look into his eyes. He saw that she could see into his head, he closed his eyes. Thinking that he could hide from it all. Disassociate it so that he couldn't lose his head. The situation he was in lead to agitation. Would she cut him off? Would it be considered as an amputation?

He doesn't know if he cares if he's the jerk. Life's not fair when he's fighting all the time. It's out of line if she loves him, or loves him not. Does she realize that he won't compromise? What if she loves him? What if she loves him not?

Over the past five years he's shed his tears and drank his beers and watched his tears drown away. And until this day she still swings his way. But it's sad when he thinks that she loves him not. But he hesitates to tell her that he hates that relationship. He wanted out today. It's over.

He doesn't care, has never cared, if he's the jerk. Life isn't fair and it never was! They're fighting all the time, but this is out of line! She loves him, she loves him not. Does she realize that he won't compromise. She loves him not. Life's not fair and he's the jerk.

In the songs he writes, the line for line, the rhyme for rhyme. Sometimes they fight the whole damn time! It makes him sick, the relationship is going down. Piss drunk stupid, mad, on the real, could you feel what he feels? What's the deal girl? They tear each others world. They should be in harmony, the boy and girl, that is the promise we all made! Way back in the day, they told each other things wouldn't turn out hat way. They should it work it out, it's alright, they scream and shout!

I don't know, if they care, if he's the jerk. Fighting all the time, it's all out of line. She loves him, she loves him not. Does she realize that he won't compromise? She loves him, she loves him not. For Claire, life's not fair, life's not fair, life's not fair. She loves him not, loves him not.

The tears make their way down Charlie's cheeks as he realzies that he made mistakes. That this is all wrong. They had it! They were together. It was going right! Everything was perfect, until he ended up at her house high. That was the end of that. "I LOVED HER! I LIVED HER AND BREATHED HER!!!" he screamed out the window.

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Juliet had never thought that they were hanging one by that thin piece of thread. The fall looks so far, staring at the ground. What flesh will do to you, will do to her too! She was free and on her own, but it wasn't that simple. It was never that simple.

It felt like the first time that they'd fallen behind. They faltered too far down. No one could save them. If felt like the first time and they're staniding about us. And no one can touch them.

The worst of it was over and she could say to Jack a bitter word or two. There was no stopping now, just to get it out in the air. He heard it through the fog and was hurt by it all. "Jack. I'm sorry. I would take it back today. But everything is out of my hands and I'm lost in the film again and all the signs were showing. I'm watching a single fram and when the wind begins you're never anywhere." she sighed to no one.

She was caught in his weather all the time. It felt like the first time they'd fallen behind. There was no use is the other one to wait, but she could hold on as sure as she's strong. She had to get over the faithful yesterdays. It was all over. She needed to leaved it all behind.

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Please R&R. I don't care if I get flames or not. 


	5. Running From You

Disclaimer: Don't own lost, but I so wish I did.

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Daniel looked back at her. He said goodbye to her from the rearview mirror. The silhouette of her faded away in the distance. "I hope you think that I'm coming back someday." he whisered to himself.

He knoew he would be back someday, even if it was only to leave her again. He only came back to leave her again and again, maybe he wouldn't leave this time.

He's running from her. Can he get any farther away? It feels like the first time that he's been in love. If he's running from her, will she follow him in the end? If he falls again will she say goodbye. Will she say goodbye?

He pulled into the town and he knocked on her door. Before the morning sun sets on his face, as he stares at her face. Today he only came back to leave her again.

If he stays, she has to understand. It's his authority, he can leave if he wants. He's his own man.

He's running from her, running from Charlotte. Can he get any further away? It feels like the first time he's been in love. If he's running from her, will she follow him down to the end? If he falls again, will she goodbye? Will Charlotte say goodbye? Say goodbye? He's running from you.

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Charlotte wanted the shield that was between them to be pulled back. All she wanted was to kiss him, for him to drop his defenses and come into her arms. She's all for believing, all for believing.

She knew that he blanketed his mind so much that she was blind, but she, she saw that he painted his soul into his gaurd. She's all for believing.

She needs to know just how he feels, to comfort him. She needs to find the key to let him in, into his heart, to find his soul.

She's all for believing him, for believing Daniel. But only if he can reveal the true colors within. And she wants him to say that he'll be there for her to hold, when the faith grows old and life turns cold! So if he's cold she'll stay, and maybe fate will guide the way! She believes in what she sees and she believes that they're meant to be.

Trust in me!

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Please R&R. I don't care if I get flames or not. 


	6. Scar

Disclaimer: Don't own lost, but I so wish I did.

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She danced all night and she slept all day. She's careless with his heart again. She's fearless when it comes to playing games. She doesn't cry and she doesn't care. But he's afraid to have a love affair. "Is that your ghost? Or is are you really there?" Desmond whispers in the night.

Now he can't walk, he can't talk anymore. Since she walked out that door. And now he's stuck, living out that night again. He's not falling apart.

Wither on a sunny day. Time slows, he wishes that Penny will stay. Pass him by in the crowded dark hallways.

He tries his hardest not to scream. He finds his heart is growing weak, so he asks her to leave her reasons on the bathroom sink.

"I heard you say you needed me. Now what's the problem? I can't see. You destroyed me, I won't fall apart again. I'm not falling again. Take what you want and I'll be just fine. You will be better off alone at night." He says on her doorstep.

And now he's waiting and falling and constantly calling her name.

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He left a card, a bar of soap and a scrubbing brush next to a note. The note said, "use these down to your bones." And before she knew it she had shiny skin and it felt easy being clean like him. And she thought "this one knows better than I do."

She's a triangle trying to squeeze through a circle. Of course Desmond tried to cut Penny so that she'd fit.

"And doesn't that sound so familiar? Doesn't it hit too close to home? Doesn't it make you shiver, thinking about the ways things could've gone? And doesn't it feel so peculiar when everone wants a little more? And so that I do remember to never go that far, could you leave me with a scar?" Penny whispered in his ear one night.

So the next came with a bag of treats, she smelled like sugar and spoke as if she was the sea. And he said, "don't trust them. Trust me."

Then he pulled at the stitches that were holding her together, looked at insides clicking his toungue and said, "this will all have to come undone."

Penny thinks she realized just in time, although her old self was hard to find. "You can bathe me in your finest wine but I'll never give you mine. 'Cause I'm a little bit tired of fearing that I'll be the bad fruit that nobody buys. Tell me, did you think we'd all dream the same?" Penny screamed in his face.

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Please R&R. I don't care if I get flames or not. 


	7. Sunday Best

Disclaimer: Don't own lost, but I so wish I did.

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"Broken home. All alone. Broken home. All alone." She whispered into the silence. She can't fight the feelings of being caught in the middle of it and the wounds aren't healing. She's stuck between the parents. She wishes she had someone to talk to. Someone she could talk to, someone she could confide in. She just wants to know the truth. That's why he was perfect.

Shannon knows her father loves her, but does her father even care? If she's sad or angry? "You were never ever there! When I needed you! I hope you regret what you did!" She thinks she knows the truth. The truth about what's going on inside Sayid's head. His mother did the same to him. Did the same to her.

She's crying day and night now. What's wrong with her? She cannot fight now! She feels like a weak link in a dysfunctional family. Crying day and night. She just can't fight!

She pushes it all back inside! Pushes it inside!

It feels bad to be alone. Crying by yourself, living in a broken home. He could tell it to her so that she could feel it. Depression strikes hard just like his old earth would tell it. To her, her brother, she told him he was the one. Her pain is bottled up and is about to blow like a gun. The stories that she tells are nonfiction, and you can't take them back because they're already done!

She can't seem to fight these feelings. She caught in the middle of this, her wounds aren't healing. She's stuck in between her parents!

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When she's sleeping on the sofa. When she's laying in her Sunday best, when she's turning over Friday, he could swear that he's sleeping less and less . . .

And the ocean is getting warmer, and California's on her mind, Los Andgeles is tired, but they always seem to feel all right. But he won't . . . no he won't . . .

Cause she's already out the door, she's already out of here. She's already gone away . . . already gone away.

When Sayid comes over Sunday and he thinks about her all the time. He wonders what she's doing, he wonders why she never cries! When Boston's always rainging and they never seemed alive. He sung about her once, but he might as well.

But he won't . . . no he won't. Cause she's already out the door. She's already out of here. She's already gone away . . . already gone away . . .

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Please R&R. I don't care if I get flames or not. 


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